My Lemonade diet experience.

In my desperation to feel some relief I decided to try the famous lemonade diet. I didn't blog about my experience, I know I should have.

It was easier than I thought it would be but it's definitely not for everyone. The lemonade tasted great. I could have done without the cayenne pepper but I could tolerate it.

The first and second day was uncomfortable but not terrible. The third day was easy and I actually felt pretty good. It gave me hope. The fourth and fifth day was the hardest. I was hungry... my stomach was growling and so I used a good amount of the maple syrup after the first week it got easier and I sailed through another week. I didn't have as much elimination as I was expecting but there was some. I really did not not want to go off because not eating was definitely easier than eating but my mood and energy was not the best so I went off the diet on the fifteenth day.

The one thing I did not like was when I went off the fast I had the desire to eat all the time. This must be in response to go going without food. My leptin levels must have gone up. The so called starvation response. Two weeks later and I still am eating more than I was before the fast.

I lost less than 10 pounds but may have gained most back by now because my hunger has me eating all day. My bowel function has definitely improved. I've had daily movement that are less dry. They are still really light in color.

I was glad I could get through the fast and I might do it again but I'm wondering if there is something I could have done better to prevent the increased appetite after the fast.

FATIGUE...YOU STINK!

Parenting with chronic fatigue is like licking sand paper. LOL

It will leave you raw and bleeding!

I love my children with all of my heart they are the greatest joy of my life. I enjoy being with them and like them as individuals. However the daily struggle with fatigue often makes it impossible to tell. I wish I could explain to them that my lack of care has nothing to do with how much they mean to me.

They are good kids and I'm proud to know them.

Thank you Lord for this blessing of these two precious lives.

Vague symptoms and no where to turn!

I have often thought it would be easier if I had a visible disability rather than these vague symptoms that don't add up to a defined illness. Yes, I do have an autoimmune thyroid problem, but I'm taking hormone replacement so that should fix me right up, Hmm maybe but maybe not.

It was about 2 1/2 years ago my symptoms became so severe I decided to make a detailed list of all the symptoms past and present that in my mind pointed to an underlying thyroid problem and take them to my doc and say see....here is why I think I have a thyroid disease. Since I'd recently had blood work that convinced her otherwise she said that my symptoms were all explainable, due to stress.

I told her I did not agree and her exact words were.."I don't think it will do any good but I will send you to an endo."

Well it did do some good, this doctor was able to diagnose me with an autoimmune thyroid disease and put me on thyroid replacement hormones. Unfortunately the form of the hormone that he put me on(t4) did nothing for me. I continued on it for almost a year and then switched doctors he reluctantly put me on a more active form of thyroid hormone(t3). Due to some divine intervention the pharmacy made a mistake with the dosing and gave me a 10x higher dose than the doctor intended. I felt the first sign of relief I'd had in years. The side effects were horrible but the relief I was suddenly getting from the disease made them worth it. I lost 30 pounds with minimal effort, my periods became regular(this had never happened...EVER) I started sleeping again and life felt a little bit lighter. I got an infusion of hope.

Sadly my blood work said I was over medicated and the doc backed off on the dose and the walls came crashing back in on me.

Off to another doctor, to find someone that would give me these hormones I needed to live.

Eventually I did find a doctor that was willing to let me take these hormones and my health did improve some. My weight stayed below 190 and I was sleeping better and could function for brief periods.

However this nagging depression was still not letting up. Yes I tried every type of antidepressant on the market the best they could do was improve my mood but not my energy or motivation. The side effects make these small improvements not worth it.

I'm perplexed......Is this still related to my thyroid disfunction or is there another underlying problem that can't be seen with blood tests? Or is this a psychological problem?

My mother passed away right before the birth of my daughter and I'm sure this has not helped much with regards to the depression. She was a major influence in my life and made me want to do and be a better person. She was always my champion and when I was really struggling through the loses of multiple late term pregnancies she once told me that she admired my tenacity. I realize that this is one of the defining qualities of my personality and is carrying me through much of this struggle. I really can't take credit for it because I know that tenacity comes from an abiding faith. God has given me a good portion of faith and it propels me to search for answer. "My people parish for lack of knowledge." I know the answers are out there I just need the focus and drive to find them.

Six years in the abyss!

I've never been robust, health wise. My energy and drive has been a source of frustration my whole life. I've constantly had the feeling that I was not like other people and marveled at the way they seemed to just live without the struggle, guilt and shame I seemed to deal with daily. I fully recognize that sometimes we can judge others as they appear rather than how they feel inside and I suppose that there are those that struggle as I have but they are the exception.

For the purpose of this blog I'd like to just cover the last 6 years or since the birth of my daughter, I've entered the 5th dimension of hell. Depression, lack of motivation, disinterest, anxiety, malaise, and severe fatigue have dramatically reduced my quality of life. This is not living and if I don't find some answers and crawl out of this pit I just don't know how long I can continue on like this. It's stolen so much from me, and my family. I owe it to them to dig in and fight harder, get desperate and just do anything I can to get better.